Ah, the lighter side of Orthodoxy. Have you ever laughed uncontrollably in church? Maybe you’re going to the wrong one. Let me take this chance to tell you a little about the Orthodox Church, and why, if you’re a person who is easily amused, you should consider attending one.

1. We sing in awkwardly translated metaphors. Hungry? Try the ‘corn of foregiveness.’ Want to return to a more agrarian life? Try a threshing/winnowing/chaff metaphor. Feeling at loose ends? Try ‘lock me up in your storehouse and save me.’ And that was all tonight!

2. Feel like church is too serious? Are all those vestments making you feel like it’s a bit stuffy? Invite a visiting priest who looks like Mr. Magoo!

3. As it is unexpectedly announced that Fr. Magoo will be giving a talk, beat a hasty retreat to the door, speed-crossing yourself in an attempt to get out before friends’ dad/regular priest sees you. Increase speed as he calls out ‘no sneaking out the back, girls!’ Realize that one of Tyka’s brothers (who is in our charge tonight) is stuck as an acolyte and can’t make it out in time! Hide in basement, listening to Fr. Magoo drone over speakers, while brother #2 capers.

Rest assured that this blog will continue to feature the lighter side of the troparia as we set sail on the sea of the great fast. Coming attractions: the holy and mercenary healers! Doubting Thomas’ inquisitive right hand! Mystically clapping hands! Stay tuned!