I have an announcement. No one else that I know is allowed to get married this summer. Okay? If you insist, you may hold your nuptials in June or July. But under no circumstances are they allowed to be held in August.

Thank you for your time.

PS – not that I am against my friends getting married, it’s just that I wish to share in your joy and eat your cake and wear a nice dress and socialize. And I can’t do that if you all get married at the same time, okay?